The day I stopped to count calories/WIAW

Hi all!
Today is a special day for me. As I woke up during the night to eat ice cream because I was starving and stupid (FML) I realized that obsessing over calories will ALWAYS keep me disordered. So after logging all my meals in My Fitness Pal for the past 3 years, I decided that I would stop this as of TODAY! I know I won’t stop trying to average what I’m eating right away, but I know that stop logging every gram of lettuce I eat will help. The eating disorder thoughts are a part of me now and have been for a while and I am seriously not convinced that they will ever go away completely. But I know that I’m entertaining them by the habits that I have on a daily basis. So F*CK calorie counting! I love to eat healthy and this will stay for sure but if I want to eat 21g of almonds instead of 17g (17g is 100 calories) then be it! I certainly wont die and I’ll be satisfied and maybe my risks of binge eating will decrease because I won’t be obsessing over food anymore. I tried this before but never really let go. Now I’m give it my all and see in the long run how it works. I know that this process won’t change me overnight but I’m curious to see where it’ll take me. If only I could go back to my old ways of not obsessing over EVERYTHING that I eat, I’ll be a happy camper!!

Now onto

On another, here are some samples of what I’ve been eating lately.

Breakfast:

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Protein pancakes, oatmeal and turkey bacon always make good breakfast options!

Snacks:
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Coffee, Perrier and dattes! That’s all I need to be happy! 😛

Dinner:
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Chicken and eggs on various forms like sandwiches and flatbread pizza!

That’s all I have for you today! Go check out Peas and Crayons to see what everyone has been eating!
xox

Fun Facts Friday

TGIF!!! This week has been a long and demanding one and I’m so ready for those 2 days off!

1. It’s been raining non stop for the past few days here in Montreal and it’s suppose to keep on raining tomorrow! I had plans of drinks outside with friends tonight so this won’t happen! Bummer I was really looking forward to it! Drinks are always fun, but drinks outside just takes the whole thing to another level haha I’m sure we’ll still have fun though!

2. My shin splints are worst than ever 😦 I have a half in September and I want to go back to running 3x/week and it just looks like it won’t be possible. I had 3 miles on the agenda on Tuesday and I had to walk more than half of it because my shins were hurting sooooo bad! When I finished work today, I went to the gym planning to run 3 miles again and that didn’t happen. I ran for 30 seconds before giving up because it was too painful. I really need to go see a physiotherapist if I don’t want to jeopardize my whole training plan!

3. My brother is leaving for Barcelona tonight for a week and I’m SO jealous! Really happy for him but so jealous still. I want to get away too!!

4. I had a mini-binge yesterday before dinner. It hadn’t happen in ages and I felt SO bad! I had breakfast at 7:30 AM and wasn’t able to eat lunch until 3PM… I had my salad but I felt ravenous so I gave in and ate a bunch of stuff. I had a friend coming over for dinner and it just ruined my whole night. I could only think about the fact that I overate for lunch so I wasn’t able to eat anything other than veggies for diner (I was still also full from what I had eaten earlier on). This f*cking eating disorder is just ruining my life! It’s getting better but I hate myself for caving in knowing I would regret it later…

And that’s all I have for you folks today! Have a great Friday night! xox

Currently – June 2014

Before starting this blog, I have been an avid blog reader for the past 3 years. Recently, this ”currently” survey started popping out and I have been wanting to do one ever since! So here it is, my first ”Currently” post 🙂

Current Book
Reading hasn’t been my forte in the past years. I don’t know why, I just stopped reading when life got busy as I grew older! But I really want to get back to it. I love getting lost in a story and losing track of time or where I am! Best feeling! Right now, I’m actually reading ”Dark Places” by Gillian Flynn. After reading ”Gone Girl” and loving it, I thought I would give this book a shot. I’ve only read the first few pages and I’m curious to see where this will go!

Current music
I’ve been OBSESSED with this song! Freaking love it!!

Current guilty pleasures
Binge watching (not eating hahaha) episodes of 90210 on Netflix :S

I’m so ashamed haha I’m 27 years old!!! I shouldn’t be watching teenage tv drama! But I’m hooked and now I can’t stop :S

Current nail color
I’m the kind of girl who changes nail color every 2 days so the color I have on now might not be the same as tomorrow! Well for now, I’m rocking some OPI coral color! Love it, super ”summery”

Current drink
Coffee all day every day!

Current food
Well as I’m typing this post, I’m having a delicious bowl of eggy banana oats with my beloved protein powder for some staying power!
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Current obsession
See ”Current music” haha

Current wish
Humm… This is pretty vague but I guess as simple as it sounds, I just want to have an amazing Summer and enjoy it to the fullest!

Current need
More coffee!!

Current triumph
I have to say work is going REALLY well this month! Small victory 🙂

Current indulgence
Working from home this morning! Feels AMAZING!!

Current procrastination
I need to pay for a parking ticket… I should have done that 2 weeks ago and now I’m past my due date and everyday I forget to go pay it or I’m too lazy to make the drive to go pay it. It has to happen TODAY!!

Current blessing
Even though I’m going through a though time right now, I have friends and family to support me and this means everything! ❤

Current excitement
My brother (and roomate) is leaving for 1 week to go to Barcelona and even though I’m SO jealous, this means I have the appartment for myself for a whole week!! PURE BLISS!!!!

Current mood
Happy 🙂 I weighed myself this morning and I am finally back to a normal BMI. Ok, I’m in the upper range but still, I lost 7 pounds since beginning of May and even though I am working SO hard for the weight to come off faster, I’m still happy with the fact that I am FINALLY losing some!

Current link
http://www.style.com
It’s Resort season in the modeling world and I love to check out all the Resort collections of the most amazing designers 🙂

Wow this took more time than anticipated haha I need to start working! Have a great one xox

hum….hello there!

Wow can’t believe I haven’t blogged in 6 weeks! To be honest, I’ve been having a really hard time at life these past few weeks and I couldn’t find the strength to blog about it… My body image is as its worst and I’m just SO sick of everything! I’m working out like a maniac 5-6 times a week and I’m eating on point, counting calories and all and I can’t seem to lose weight! Before, I knew the binges were what was holding me back from dropping the weight but it has been going ”pretty well” on that front. My binges are down to once a week, but the effect they have on my mood are worst than ever. I feel like the most disgusting person for DAYS after it happens and it’s literally taking all the happiness out of me…

My bad body image is just ruining my every day life. It’s the only thing I think about and I’m starting to get anxiety again when I have social outings. Even though I’m not losing weight right now, the idea of gaining the slightest bit more is mortifying. So every time I go for drinks with friends or to dinner, I obsess about the calories instead of enjoying the moment… it sucks.

Work has been going good so at least that’s that!

On another note, I took part in the “100 miles by Summer” challenge by the Tone it Up Girls where we had to cover 100 miles between April 27th and June 21st by doing cardio and I actually finished all my miles yesterday! Felt so good 🙂 So now I’ll just see how many more I can do until the 21st!

Last weekend was my first 10k of the season. It actually wasn’t so bad and I finished in 60 min on the dot! My PR is 54:55 so I was 5 min over but still, I was really proud of myself! I’m carrying a whole lot more weight now than I did when I ran my PR so I know this counts for something haha.

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I also went to hot yoga with a friend for the first time since March this week and it felt SO GOOD! I was literally drowning in sweat but still felt great!

 

 

 

 

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My breakfast of choice has been protein pancakes for the past month or so! I fell in love with them 2 years ago and had kinda forgot how easy it is to do, even on work days! Also, I tried this new to me protein powder recently and it just took my pancakes to whole new level! If you’ve never tried it, I can’t stress it enough, go buy some and make delicious protein pancakes!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Blogging felt really good tonight. I don’t want to stress about having to blog everyday but I’ll definitely try! It feels good to write about how I feel!

On that note, have a good Sunday night friends and I’ll catch you later xox

What I ate Wednesday #4 Photo Fail

Hi guys! Time for another WIAW! Head over to Jenn’s blog to see what everyone has been eating this week!

I gotta say I totally forgot to take pictures of my eats yesterday so I’ll just share my dinner picture.

I thought I would do a little update on the whole binge eating thing today. This might not seem like a big deal but I haven’t have a binge in the past 10 days. It’s the first time it has ever happened and I’m SO SO happy. I would like to say that I made a specific change and that I found the key to success but I really didn’t. It kinda just happened. But I have to say that I noticed that I stop restricting as much during the day and I’m eating things that I WANT more than things that I SHOULD. After 2 years of therapy, it really seemed like those people knew what they were talking about haha

But yesterday I have to say I ate WAY more than I did in the past 2 weeks. Don’t know why, I was just genuinely hungry. I had too many nighttime snacks but I have to forgive myself. They weren’t consumed in a binge manner and I just listened to my hunger signals a little too much haha I even woke up during the night to have a spoonful of PB, with yogourt and a couple of almonds :S But whatever, today is a new day and I wanna stop hitting myself on the head whenever I make mistake. I know this road back to normal  eating and losing weight might be long, but I need to enjoy every step of it!

 

Ok enough rambling, back to dinner:

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Ok this was THE MOST random meal ever but satisfied every cravings I had: it was salty, cheesy and sweet all at the same time! Steamed veggies with marinara sauce topped with 2 eggs and 1 tsp of freshly grated parmesan cheese. With 2 plain wholewheat waffles on the side. LOVED IT. 

Gotta run to work! Have a great hump day people!

xox

Stomach bug is killing my vibe

Hey all!

All week I was stuck with a nasty stomach bug! Could barely eat, had fever and overall felt like sh*t! It lasted 4 days and I’m officially better this morning. I haven’t been able to work out all week. Just going to work was taking all the energy I had. So happy to finally be back in the game!

Eating wise, I couldn’t get motivated to cook anything. Just thinking about food made me want to throw up but I knew I had to eat. And when I’m feeling nauseated, the only thing that sounds eatable is CARBSSSS. So I definitely carb-loaded for 4 days haha but at least I was getting enough calories in to fight this virus and be able to somewhat function. 

Ever since the beginning of my EDs, pasta has always been a big fear food. If I was in a situation where I was forced to eat some, I would have a couple of bites and then call it quits. Even now it’s still hard. But last night I had the biggest craving for a big pasta bowl. So I went with it and it was GLORIOUS! I had a full serving of pasta (all 85g of it!) with jarred tomato sauce and grated cheese.

Look at this beauty!

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It was absolutely delicious and satisfying! It was my first real meal since I started feeling sick on Tuesday. My craving was satisfied and it kept me full forever! Probably because I was still feeling a bit queasy but still, I’m actually proud I was able to listen to my body and eat this. The old me would have taken this sickness as an excuse not to eat anything whereas now, I knew I had to eat a bit all throughout the day even though I didn’t feel like it to give my body energy. Little victory!

 

On another note, I’ve been a fan of the Tone it Up Girls Katrina and Karena for like 4 years now and their annual Bikini Series is starting Aprils 28th! It’s a super fun challenge with AMAZING prizes that motivates you with your workouts and your eats. Go to www.toneitup.com to sign up!

To start off the series, the first challenge was to #createyoursummer! Basically just list whatever you wanna accomplish and do during Summer 2014.

Here is what I came up with:

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Hopefully Summer 2014 will be my best yet!

On this note, I’m off to the gym and grocery shopping for a sweet girls’ night tonight! 🙂

xox

WIAW #3

Hi all,

welcome to WIAW! Thanks again Jenn for hosting! I’m so excited to be part of this now 🙂

This one will be quick because I need to head out the door in a couple of minutes!

So let’s take a look at what I ate yesterday shall we? 🙂

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I had already scarfed down most of my breakfast when I realized I hadn’t take a picture yet haha I had 3 spinach-cottage cheese-frittata with 17g of almonds! Well that’s what was originally on my plate.

For lunch I had leftover chicken with sauteed veggies and a blend of brown rice, quinoa and lentils! Super yummy! I also had some berries to finish my meal on a sweet note!

This weekend, I splurged and bought 2 box of Quest Bars. I LOVE those bars but man are they pricy!! Anyways, I thoroughly enjoyed one before going to the gym!

Got back from the gym and grocery shopping around 8PM and had NO motivation to work in the kitchen. So I made a turkey sandwich with 1 tbsp of hummus and one slice of my beloved Kraft singles. I also had some cottage cheese for added proteins, with a salad and a green juice (kale, apple, celery, cucumber, lemon). Totally hit the spot!

I had a handful of almonds before going to bed around 11! And this concludes this edition of WIAW!