Happy Monday all! Hope you had a fabulous start of your week!
So first, since this blog is all about honesty, I wanted to do an update on my 21 day binge free challenge. Well let’s just say that Day 1 went fabulous and after that it went down the drain. I wasn’t feeling well Friday so I stayed home that night and I binged because I was so bored. This means I failed after 2 days. WOW. Not impressive. Same story Saturday night even though I had friends over for most of the night and felt awesome… When everyone left, I raided the pantry. I felt f*cking miserable after (like always). I weighed myself the morning after and that definitely didn’t help. Summer is coming and I’m getting more self conscious as each day pass….I’m not feeling too hot right now let’s say.
Yesterday I went to the sugar shack, which is basically a cabin in the wood where maple syrup is made and where you can have a ”traditional meal” (read everything fried, greasy, sugary or all of the above at the same time). Let’s just say that thinking about going there got my anxiety through the roof. I’m so obsessed with loosing weight that the thought of have a super rich meal was totally freaking me out. But I had to remind myself that I NEVER treat myself to anything ”unhealthy” and that I still binge a lot so that maybe one night off would satisfied my sweet and fatty tooth (just made this up). It was a family affair, we were 25 so I focused on enjoying the company, not thinking about counting calories and actually ended up having a really nice time. I left there stuffed even though I only had a little bit of each service but happy that I made it through the night. Obviously, last night, no binging occured. I didn’t even think about food.
Last night was definitely a victory in my whole ordeal with ED. When I was sufforing from anorexia, if someone had told me I had to go to the sugar shack I would have done ANYTHING not to go. I wouldn’t have been able to deal with the anxiety. This kind of life event just reminds me how much I’ve learn throughout the past few years and I definitely needed a reminder that I am stronger now than I was before.