Binging without purging has become part of my daily life now. Only happens at or during the night. I AM SO SICK OF THIS!! My therapist tells me I’m mostly binging because I’m restricting during the day. I tried not to restrict, eat more or whatever but I still get that urge to eat huge amount of food. The weird thing is that I’m not eating donuts and cheeseburgers (yes it happened a couple of time but not on a regular basis), I’m gonna make huge bowls of casein protein powder mixed in with almond milk and oatmeal, or 2 slices of bread with a little bit of cheese, or 2-3 protein bars in 3 minutes etc etc. Yes those are not super calorie heavy food by themselves but I eat SO much of it that it becomes a burden.
I work in a restaurant now and sometime I waitress for 12-15hours straight. I used to barely eat during the time and obviously when I would eat after my shift, it would always turn into a binge. Yesterday, I worked 12h but I brought snacks and a lunch (yay me!!) thinking it might help. Got home, cooked dinner (chicken and veggies), had tea and a grapefruit. I thought I was in business and was so excited to maybe not have a binge! Went to bed, woke up literally 2 hours later, got up like a robot, ate (a lot), went back to bed, woke up again, ate AGAIN, went back to bed and then freaking woke up a third time and yes, I ate something then too. I always feel so bad after, I feel like a failure and I feel fat. All I want is a normal relationship with food, I wanna be hungry when I wake up in the morning ( I obviously don’t since I eat some much during the night).
Working again 12h today, made a lunch again. I need to find a trick to get my mind off of food when I wake up during the night. I hope everyday that today will be better. Hopefully this time it’s true!
Have a good day people! xx